


Out

by OrionRedde, Shyrstyne



Series: Cometverse [25]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (but not yet) - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Nonbinary Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Other characters mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18687028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrionRedde/pseuds/OrionRedde, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyrstyne/pseuds/Shyrstyne
Summary: Xion has something to say, they’re just not sure how.





	Out

**Author's Note:**

> i was on a eight hour car ride so.. I had time to write my favourite nonbinary child’s view of the world XD

Xion knows themself well.

Some of that is through trial by fire, they’ve had to tear themself apart to let others live, all the while taking in the lost and broken pieces of their hearts and memories, crowding in their head, trying to shove them under the waves of consciousness.

And some of it is just simple introspection. Once they’d come back, alive once more in the midst of battle, the crowd of voices was quieter, and it was easier to pick their own out of the noise. Sometimes the voices still yell, calling for their attention, drawing them down into the static, but it’s easier now. They’re more whole than they were before, more their own person, with so much less weight hanging over their head.

But the point was that Xion knows themself.

They just weren’t sure yet how to go about letting _others_ know.

It had been Comet, who had let them know it was even an option, years ago when both Xion and Roxas had been barely awake in the world, getting ice cream to eat on top of a tower. Most people had just called them ‘it’ or ‘puppet’, but after a while some had started calling them ‘she’, and others started following suit. They hadn’t really thought to argue with it, too young to really understand what any of it meant. Puppet bothered them, but said with such snide anger, anything would have.

They know Lea is hoping for Isa to come back. Xion has forgiven him, remembers what he had done for him, and for Xion in the Organization, but despite that they still feel some trepidation to meeting him again. What he did, and then tried to amend.. They don't know how they feel about it yet.

They’d known, near the end, that something about ‘she’ felt wrong, but there hadn’t been time. Everything was falling apart, and all they’d wanted was to have one more day with their friends.

Just one more day. That was all.  There wasn’t enough time.

They’d never had the chance to really think about it. Not until they’d been brought home with Roxas to a waiting Comet.

They have a lot of down time now. They all need rest, and for everyone in replica bodies, near constant checkups. Even with the almost daily trips to Radiant Garden, it’s more down time than they’d had before, and it gives them time to think.

For some reason it doesn’t occur to them that a person could switch what people called them. It’s not until a newcomer to the bar makes an ugly comment while Roxas and Xion eat dinner with Lea in a corner booth that they make the connection.

“Girl?” Comet laughs in the mans face and ignores the worse things that that had come before. “Bitch I haven’t been called one of those since I was ten. Now shape up or get the fuck out.”

He doesn’t. Lea is halfway out of his chair when Comet tazes him and they both toss him out in the street.

“Why would you have been called girl?” Roxas had asked, just as confused as Xion. Comet had given them both a strange look.

“Because that’s what people thought I was. I was lucky, I had a good family and good resources and figured out I wasn’t one pretty early on. Not everyone does.”

“You can.. Change what you are?” Xion had asked, wide eyed.

“Of course.” Comet says simply. “Although I would say it’s less changing what you are. More like changing _to_ what you are.”

Xion had needed time to process that. Somehow they’d thought everyone just.. Knew somehow. Despite knowing Comet as neither man nor woman, they’d never considered that this hadn’t always been the case to the world around them, and sometimes still wasn't.

They’d gone to Comet a few days later.

“Can I.. ask you something?”

“Sure kiddo, what’s up.” They close their book and sit up, patting the seat next to them, which Xion takes.

“You said..” They pause. Why was this so nerve wracking? “You said before that people could change? How people view them? What words they use?”

“I did.” They answer.

 _‘But how do you know?’_ is on the tip of their tongue, but they don’t voice it. It’s too close to a similar question they’d once asked in an entirely different situation.

“How did you do it?” They ask instead.

Comet looks at Xion for a long moment. For a brief, paralyzing window, Xion wonders what they see.

“Well, honestly I was a pretty blunt kid. It only took one time of me saying how much I hated being a girl for my Aunt Bruna to take me aside and ask me why. When I couldn’t articulate anything other than that it just felt bad she gave me some resources and told me to think about whether or not I actually was one. After that I just… said it. I had Bruna’s help too.”

Xion doesn’t know if being a girl feels bad necessarily, but it’s not _right_ either.

Comet hums.

“You know, I really liked some of those old books. I’ll have to see if the library has any of them, take a trip down memory lane.”

Sure enough the next day some books appear on the coffee table. Xion waits until they’re alone to flip through them- no small feat when both Roxas and Lea are hesitant to let them out of sight. The late nights are worth it though, and they come out the next morning feeling secure in a way they haven’t before.

They’re a _they_. Like Comet. The knowledge is both freeing and a little scary.

They’re still not sure how to tell the others.

 

_‘How is she doing? The data integration should be-’_

_‘Don’t call me she’_

 

Their memories of the organization are fuzzy sometimes, and some things they’re not sure if it’s a memory or a dream.

That particular moment must be a dream though. They can’t imagine telling Isa- Saix that now, let alone there. They had hardly been awake then, how could they have known what they know now?

They hold the new knowledge close to their heart, waiting, considering.

They want to tell Naminé first.

It sounds strange at first, after all, they’d only known Naminé a bare few days compared to Roxas or Lea. Somehow it feels right though. Naminé had done everything she could to give Xion a choice. She didn’t have to do that. She could have torn Xion apart without ever having talked to them to put Sora back together. She’d risked Xion saying no entirely, just to give them a _choice._

There hadn’t really been a choice, not in the end. They’d known what was right. But she’d tried for them, and that meant more than words could say.

So they hold the knowledge close, and wait for Naminé to wake up.

When Naminé walks from the castle lab on her own two feet she is greeted by several warm and smiling faces. The replica stands at her side like a sentinel, a hand at her arm, constantly watching for any signs or weariness or fatigue.

Sora thanks her, and she bursts into tears.

The replica nearly decks him, and is held back at the last second by Riku. Naminé tries to explain the significance but can’t quite talk through the tears. She manages to get across that they’re good tears at least, which calms the replica significantly.

The celebration is warm and welcoming, but short, as Naminé quickly starts to flag under the constant attention. She curls up on a chair and leans against the replica, clearly falling asleep. The others give her warm goodbye’s as they leave. Xion lingers, even opens their mouth to speak, but finds their courage leaving them before the words can. They offer a soft goodby and a promise to visit instead before making their escape.

Not yet.

They try a few more times, each time finding their bravado leave them at the last second. The moment was wrong, someone else was too close, they didn’t know how to start.

It was frustrating.

Then Isa comes back.

Isa _knows_.

It wasn’t a dream then, despite how improbable that seemed. He uses entirely neutral terms for Xion, making their heart lift joyously to hear it, yet somehow no one else seems to notice. They wonder if that’s normal.

They wait in the living room, curled on one arm of the couch. Comet flips through some things on the other arm, while Lea and Roxas argue over something trivial.

Eventually Lea calls it quits, heading for bed. Roxas soon decides to follow suit, pausing only to look questioningly at Xion.

“Are you coming?” He asks. They shake their head.

“No, I think I’m gonna stay up for a bit.”

He shrugs, but somehow Xion feels like he wanted something else. They need to talk to Comet though. Alone.

After Roxas leaves, they flip over to cuddle into Comets side. They let out a surprised ‘oof’ but then run a calming hand through Xion’s hair. They appreciate it. They still don’t know where to start.

“You.. you tell everyone you meet you’re a they. But.. how do you tell someone you already know?” They ask quietly. Comets hand in their hair doesn’t pause in its slow petting.

“That’s a little harder.” Comet admits. “Every person, every situation is different. I’m the sort where I just say it, but that’s not going to work for everyone. You’ve kinda got to play it by ear, find you’re own way of doing it.”

There’s quiet for a bit. Xion’s mind races even as their eyes droop.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Comet asks, and Xion finds them self tensing.

They’re giving them an out, Xion realizes, a stepping stone to practice on.

“I-“

The words catch in their throat, strangled into submission.

“You know you don’t have to if you’re not ready.” Comet says. “No one else needs to know the truth but you if that’s all you’re comfortable with.”

“I do though. I want them to know.” Xion whispers. “I don’t understand why it’s so scary.”

“All change is scary. You’re putting something important to you in the hands and mouths of others, of _course_ that’s scary. Take all the time you need, okay?”

Xion hums, and they lay there, cuddling for a while, until Xion is rustled awake by Comet and told to go to bed.

They don’t think Roxas is still awake when they crawl into bed, but he turns over and curls into them sleepily when they pull the covers up.

“Can I talk to you?” He asks, barely awake.

“Mh.” They answer.

“Do you.. do you ever want to go exploring? Like when we did reconnaissance for the organization. Just.. go out and see things.”

They nod.

“Yeah. All the time.” Their home here is wonderful, they love this space that's been made just for them... but there's so much more to see, and they want to see _all_ of it.

“We should do it. Just. Go exploring. See all the worlds.”

They want to.

“What about home? Lea? He won’t want to leave here.” They already know Lea has planted his roots in this place and won’t want to be pulled away unless he has to.

They don’t doubt he would leave for them if they asked.. but they don’t want to do that to him either.

“We’ll come back. It’ll be like.. trips. Just a few days at a time.”

It sounds so good.

“I like that.” Xion admits. “But how? We can't corridor anymore.”

“Comet has an old gummi ship apparently. Parked out past the hills. It hasn’t moved since Sora closed the lanes between, but with the new lanes open we could probably get it working.”

“Okay. Okay let’s do it. We can talk to Comet tomorrow.”

Roxas nods, pleased and excited, but still quickly falls back to half asleep as they lay in the dark.

His breathing is slowly evening out as he drops further into sleep, and Xion finds themself still uncomfortably awake.

“Roxas?” They whisper, both wanting to be heard and not.

He grunts sleepily, but doesn’t open his eyes. They’re not sure if he’s really awake.

“There’s something I want to tell you later.” They say. “I’m not.. I’m not quite ready, but soon, okay?”

Roxas murmurs something unintelligible and pulls them closer in his sleep. They smile, and some of the tension leaves them.

Soon.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I drew on a lot of personal experience combined with a large amount of wish fulfillment tbh. I wish I’d had an aunt Bruna to ask me why I hated being a girl. I wish I’d known someone like me growing up. So this is me giving that to my faves. It was very cathartic.


End file.
